Marriage is the greatest blessing among two people. It’s truly an accomplishment among many to be able to partner with another human being for a lifetime and build a legacy together. As a child, I always dreamed of being married. I used to play with my Barbie and Ken dolls, and rehearsal their entire wedding.
Then one day, I grew up and married the love of my life. The only thing, I quickly realized that marriage wasn’t as easy as I thought it was for Barbie. Truth is, marriage requires a daily sacrifice. Yes, in order to have a successful marriage, two people must make a commitment to devote themselves to one another every day. Trust me, there will be days that it is still hard to do this. However, I promise it’s worth it.
Being married for 3 years has truly changed my perspective on the true meaning of love. It’s safe to say that my first year of marriage was the hardest. It was truly difficult trying to navigate my new life and shift my mindset, in order to be a good team player. They were many times that I questioned my marriage. It wasn’t because I didn’t love my husband, it was because I didn’t understand the true meaning of partnership.
Let’s Talk About It
When Antwan and I finally decided to get married it was after 7 long years of past trauma and drama. We had 4 children by that time and things have gone from horrible to good, too many times. However, we had finally got our acts together and were ready to call off the drama. Therefore, in my 1st year of marriage, I still held onto some of that residue from our pre-marriage relationship.
I am not sure if you’d experienced anything like this however, I want to teach you some of the things that I’ve learned along the way that has helped me tremendously.
What Have I learned
First and foremost, I have learned how to love my husband in that way that he deserves to be loved. At first, I was loving my husband the way that I receive love. Then I would get upset if he said I wasn’t fulfilling his love tank. It took some prayer and evaluation to truly understand and begin implementing change in my actions. I’ve learned that loving your spouse truly takes dedication and commitment.
Although these two sounds like a no brainer, trust me it can get difficult to first put them into action. I put a major emphasis on commitment because it is needed to hold the foundation of your marriage together. For instance, when things get a little out of hand, and it will. Trust me. It’s marriage. Stuff happens. However, with a solid understanding of commitment, many couples are able to work through times of difficulty.
Let Go Of The Past
In the beginning, I’ve subconsciously held onto so much resentment against my husband. It was seriously so childish of me. However, I struggled and I am being completely transparent with you. Yes, I want you to know that although we look good now and have a solid foundation in our marriage now, it hasn’t always been this way.
Yes, we have definitely had our share of dysfunction and I like to say that we have moved past that stage. I have learned how to let go of our past and move forward. It wasn’t easy and it required my willingness to accept the things I couldn’t change. In other words, I had to let go! Yes, I no longer wrestle with things that are behind me. I no longer sweat the stuff that is beyond my control!
Let’s Talk About Control
There’s power in allowing him to take the lead. Ladies, just hear me out! I know it sounds crazy but it takes power to allow your man to take to lead you.
I come from a bloodline of very strong women (well, strong-minded women) who was the Jackie of all trades (you know what I mean). They went out brought the bacon; came home and fried it up. I was raised under the kind of mentality that women could do all things and that we didn’t need a man for anything!
Listen, I was all jacked up but I’m sure one of you know what I am talking about.
Well with this mindset, I went into every relationship believing that I didn’t need any man for anything, not even sex because I knew how to play the piano. Listen, let’s be real 💯
Needlessly to say, this is why we had so much drama and issues early into our relationship. He had some issues too but I’m talking about myself. (I’ll put his stuff on another post.)
Break the Cycles
It wasn’t until I found myself repeating some of those same CYCLES that my sisters went through. I saw them through my actions in my relationship. I knew something needed to change. I needed to change. I needed to change my entire perspective on what it meant to be a spouse, partner, and most of all a wife.
Once I began changing my mindset, I was then able to change my perspective altogether. I was able to understand that I didn’t need to be in control (well, not all the time.) It took power, courage and a strong mind to come to grips and allow my husband to lead me. I am still learning however, I am making so much progression.
I haven’t lost my power but instead, I am gaining new strength every day!
Forget and Move Forward
I have also learned the power of forgiveness of both my past and myself. Trust me, you too can have a successful marriage that thrives throughout the years to come. Learn the power of forgiveness. Forgiveness is not for anyone else but yourself. Forgiveness gives you a brand new start. Once you truly forgive yourself for making past mistakes, then you are able to move forward and accept the new things that will come into your life.
Here’s The Misconception
Unfortunately, there’s an unspoken misconception that once you get married, that you’ll live the rest of your life happily ever after.
Look, it just does not work that way. Marriage takes attention and intention. In order for a marriage to be successful, you have to be intentional in setting marriage goals.
I’ve learned that in order for a marriage to truly become all that we hope and pray for it to become, we needed to put effort into it. Of course, love brings us together however, there’s going to take effort that’s going to keep us together.
Moving Forward and Building
During this Quarantine season, we have had the opportunity to set goals. Not only have we had the opportunity to set goals but we have been working diligently in those goals. Whether it be financial goals, goals to strengthen your communication or even goals for your home. It’s always a great idea to set goals so that you may evaluate where you are and work towards where you are wanting to grow.
Marriage is truly a beautiful thing. It does require a daily sacrifice and commitment however, it is worth it. It’s worth building a lifetime in legacy with the love of your life.
Resources to Save Your Marriage
I began reading some books that has truly empowered me and inspired me to save my marriage.
Finally, if I missed anything in this post, please feel free to comment below and let me know. I love learning new things in my marriage and will continue to update this post. If you have any questions or comments please reach out and leave them below. I truly love to read them and will respond. Last but certainly not least, please know that your marriage is worth it.
